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10 Jackets I Want To Put On My Face

Dear Diary, One time, I was totally content with my life, without a care in the world. Then I started browsing Mr Porter and realized I am poor and have the ugliest clothes ever. For those of you not familiar, Mr Porter is a glamourous luxury website where all the clothing costs $400,000 and is completely necessary if you want to continue living. My latest thing is looking at jackets, because after months of languishing in the hot summer heat of Los Angeles, trapped in multi-million dollar infinity pools at hilltop estates, it’s finally cold here. Some see fall as…

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Los Angeles in Instagramz

Dear Diary, Are you curious what I’ve been up to and what I’ve been seeing? Me neither! But I’m going to show you anyway. Here is what I’ve been gawking at the last few weeks: The loading dock at Blueprint Furniture. David Furnish’s 50th Birthday at Greystone Manor. The lovely typography of Gallery Brown on Orlando Avenue. Gorgeous new plants from Mickey Hartigay Plants, where Mickey’s staff kindly replanted our succulents into gorgeous pots (also available there) for free. See below: New hybrid cactus my handsome boyfriend discovered at Mickey’s. At home on the bedside table. Ridiculously cute new Gold…

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From Barfy to Beautiful: Transforming An Ugly Dresser!

Dear Diary, There was an empty wall to fill at Jon’s place and I had no idea what to do with it. It was one of those spaces that seemed to be begging for a bench or a credenza. But that would be too obvious, so I decided to put a dresser there. I believe that dressers can go in any room. They are beautiful pieces of furniture and they provide storage. And who doesn’t need more storage? I found this ugly dresser at Wertz Brothers: I chose to paint it a Benjamin Moore green color called Vine (2034). Emily…

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Yosemite: Autumnal Instagramz

Dear Diary, I returned home over the weekend for a friend’s wedding celebration. In addition to the celebratory food and drink I inhaled at her party, I also inhaled the beauty of autumn in Yosemite. Naturally, I Insta’d as much as I could. After all, if a tree exists in a forest but you don’t Instagram it, does it really exist? (No). Yosemite Falls, minus the falls. Yosemite’s famous lone maple tree. It sits by itself at the edge of the field, telling everyone when fall arrives. It wears the brightest colors in Yosemite, which reminds me a lot of…

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A Pop Of Color Inspired By Pop Art

Dear Diary, Do you ever have trouble figuring out what color to paint something? For example, I purchased this great coffee table for a client recently. It was red when I bought it. But sadly red wasn’t in the color palette, so I had to paint it another color. But what color? Sometimes I like to use art as an inspiration for color. This is because artists know more than regular people about what color things should be. Because the home I’m working on has a lot of quirky elements and bright colors, I decided to use Roy Lichtenstein as…

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10 Rules For Sexy Gay Homosexual Halloween Costumes

Oh Halloween, Every autumn, my brain fills with memories of trick-or-treating, homemade costumes, spiced apple cider, haunted  houses, and plastic pumpkins filled with candy. I come from a place where the whole neighborhood pitched in to make trick-or-treating super fun. I have always loved Halloween and costumes. But somewhere along the way it went from a carefree holiday about getting as much candy as possible to a stress-ridden competition about who can find the cleverest rationale for dressing like a male prostitute. Gay world is a lot like Girl World. Like the American Female, Gay Homosexuals like to attend Halloween…

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From Rags To Riches: 1970s Chairs

Dear Ugly Chairs I Found in September, When I first gazed upon your ugliness, I knew you could be beautiful. So I bought you and reupholstered you in gorgeous grey canvas. Here is what you looked like before: And here you are now: I love that you are both slouchy and tailored, tufted and structural. The cost breakdown is as follows: 2 Chairs from Sunbeam Vintage: $150 4 Yards grey canvas from International Silks and Woolens: $50 Upholstery labor costs: $160 Total: $360 Not bad for a pair of totally unique, high-quality chairs. If you don’t feel like going through…

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Whut Glamour: Chris Camargo’s Los Angeles

Dear Chris Camargo, I love the beautiful images of Los Angeles you kindly share on your photo blog. You capture our city the way only somebody who truly loves it could. If you’re having a bad day, hating the smog, plastic surgery, and superficiality that gives this city a bad rap, take a look at these pretty pictures: These pictures make me happy. Love, Orlando PS: Check out Chris Camargo’s professional site for more fashion and commercial photographs.

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Fifty Fun Fall Fashion Finds

Dear Fall, After a summer full of too many pool parties, concerts, crazy weekends, and fun, I could not possibly be more excited about the end of summer. Bye Summer, don’t let the door hit you on the way out! I am ready to spend the fall doing nothing, sitting inside, pretending to read a book whilst snuggled up under a perfectly draped wool blanket, drinking hot tea, staring out the window as rain falls, thinking about the future, my fear of it, and how I wish I cared more about the election. Everyone knows the most important thing about…

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My So-Called Barber

Dear Self, Are you ever like “Hey, this is the worst day of my life and I feel like a moldy thrown-away tortilla on Seis De Mayo”? Well there is one sure-fire way to cheer yourself up on days like these. All you have to do is go to the nearest barber or hair salon and ask them to chop of all of your hair. There is nothing more therapeutic than running into a chic salon and screaming “CUT IT OFF ME!!!!” with tears streaming down your withered face, bony face. The other day I was feeling like an ugly…

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Let’s Have A Hipswap!

Dear Reader, Have you dedicated your life to filling your home with beautiful things, only to realize you’re beautiful things are starting to turn your house into a hoardingland? Well, I have. Which is why I’ve decide to do some spring cleaning. Just in time for fall. I’m selling some of my favorite things on Hipswap, which is essentially a more glamorous version of Craigslist that is much easier on the eyes (Sidenote: Dear Craigslist, why does your site still look like it’s 1996?). Anyway, below are is a selection of items I’m selling. Falling painting, acrylic on canvas. A…

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Oh My God Where Did You Get That ADORABLE Nazi Tee?

Dear Reader, The other day I was at the gym when I spotted a dude wearing this T-Shirt from American Apparel. It’s a pretty rad shirt. I love pink. I love triangles. And I love graphic tees. But the shirt is also a political statement. Now, not only can you buy ugly/ironic non-functioning spectacles and short shorts at American Apparel (thank god), you can also buy fashionably political t-shirts. Is this cool? Or perplexing? Or both? Also, I want one. Is that okay? And now for a mini Gay history lesson, as told by someone whose knowledge of Gay history is…

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Whut Glamour: Union Station

Dear Diary, I’ve always loved Union Station in downtown Los Angeles. Recently I snapped some pictures there and I’d like to share them with you. The building’s style is Mission Revival and it opened in 1939. It’s has a ton of history and (GASP!) is an actual functioning train station where you can catch the train to go down south to Long Beach or up north to San Francisco. If you’ve never taken the train in California, you must! The train tracks take you along agricultural fields and grand, golden California vistas. As for Union Station, it looks like this:…

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Um, What Is That On Your Face? [Evolution Man Product Review]

Dear Lovers of Facial Products for Men, Every morning when I wake up, I look just like this: I know what you’re thinking. Not my best look. I’ve had a hard, hard life. But don’t lose hope! After a good face scrubbing using an industrial sander I apply 17 layers of facial creams, elixirs, eye gels, bronzers, and anti-aging serums made from baby elephants. And after all that I look like this: Okay, just kidding. I don’t really look like that either. That picture took hours of Zoolander eye smoldering, photoshopping, dreaming, and lamenting the fact that I don’t actually…

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Around The Apartment – What’s Happening in the Hallway

Dear Diary, One of my favorite aspects of my apartment is that it has a glamourous hallway dressing area where I can spin around every morning whilst looking in the mirror, fearing all the day has in store for me. This area is where I keep the majority of my clothing. It also has a random built-in dresser. My apartment building was built in the 1950s and for some reason has a ridiculous amount of storage space. Which is good for me because I hate throwing things away. For example, I own this hideous Garfield shirt: I know. I know….

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My So-Called Client: “Jon”

Dear Everyone, When I meet new people they often ask me what I do. As soon as I start to answer, they regret asking. My response to this question is always long-winded and tiresome. Firstly, I work for TV’s Emily Henderson (and yes, I always insert the “TV’s” in front of her name, even when addressing her directly). We work on TV stuff, blog stuff, and marketing stuff. I also have my own blog, work on film, TV, and photo shoots, and have my own design clients. So I do a lot of different things and I love all of them….

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Instagramz: Reupholstered Chair

Dear Diary, I got this chair upholstered for a client. I had it covered in glamourous navy blue velvet and now I’m obsessed with it. The kind of obsessed where I want to wait outside its apartment to see if it walks out, just so I can ask it for its autograph. Would it be rude to steal it back from the client? Love, Orlando

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God Hates Flags (No He Doesn’t)

Dear Flags, You’re all over the place these days. I started obsessing when I saw this image from Design Sponge. Of course, the whole thing is reliant on how aged and full of history that flag is. This Ikea Malm Bed looks totally cool because it’s surrounded by that great flag and a bunch of other awesome stuff. This barn exists on Highway 41, outside my hometown of Yosemite Village, California. I’ve always been fascinated with it, even though it was probably painted by crazy xenophobes who run around accusing everyone of being terrorists. You know how sometimes you’re like “I want…

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Saying Goodbye To An Old Friend

Dear Diary, Yesterday I donated my car to KPCC, my favorite radio station. This is quite an easy thing to do and I highly recommend it if you A) have a car to get rid of and B) care about supporting news that isn’t sensationalistic propaganda (i.e. most mainstream news). The car was still drivable but needed so many expensive repairs that keeping it no longer made sense. And because it needed so many repairs I worried about the karmic repercussions of selling it to an individual buyer. Thus, I found myself yesterday morning clearing the car of all my…

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Around The Apartment: Let’s Paint Something!

Dear Diary, Lately I’ve been working at home a lot. Sometimes I love working from home. I can drink coffee all day whilst listening to NPR and not wearing any pants. But sometimes it makes me feel like a crazy person. The late summer heat makes me feel restless and being alone all day with only Facebook chat and the crisp, clear voice of Lachshmi Singh to keep me company can totally isolating. Thus, I’ve decided to go back to my roots as a lunatic artist. I figure if I have to be alone all day I might as well…

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I’d Like To Rub These Tiles All Over My Face. And Yours.

Dear Homeowners, Do you ever find yourself staring at your boring white tile, wondering why you’re wasting your life on such blandness? Well, you should be. Adding a bit of hand painted glamour to a room is guaranteed to make you at least 16% happier. Just look at this boring white kitchen made fun with a pop of color in the tile over the stove. Also, that little boy is drinking whiskey, don’t tell anyone. Tile may not be the warmest, most inviting material to rest your feet on, but it sure is pretty to look at. If this were…

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Why I Like People Who Hate Me For Liking To Write About Hating My Gay Body

Dear Diary, Last week I wrote a blog post entitled Why The Gays Hate Their Bodies. Some people loved it, many people hated it, and what I learned was that everyone else is as sensitive about their bodies as I am. My reasoning for posting was threefold. I wanted to expose the conflicted feelings I have about my own body so that other people struggling with the same issues would feel less alone in their worries. I wanted to point out that there are specific factors to being a gay man that lead to us having a heightened self-consciousness about…

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Duck, duck….no duck

By Contributing Food Editor Jared Levan Dear Californians, As I’m sure many of you aware, you recently lost the right to purchase foie gras (since, approximately July 1st). While the ban was targeted specifically at the sale of the delicious end product that is foie gras, it was apparently so “broadly” written that it may also carry over to all skin, feather and other by-products that come from duck raised for foie gras production. So what’s the big deal? Well the reason that animal rights activists are so against the sale of foie gras is, not surprisingly, focused on the…

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