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Dear Diary, While I was spending the holidays in Yosemite National Park, the home of the tallest waterfall in North America, I had the honour of hosting a totally glamorous dinner party for my BFF Caitlin. Caitlin has been a very, very close friend of mine since we met in high school. Her birthday falls on the 28th of December, which means that all the goyem are usually still too busy celebrating Jesus’s birthday to remember to celebrate hers. But not me. I got my delightful mother to help me throw a totally glamorous (yet simple and easy) dinner party….

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Dear Hommemakers, You know what I’m giving you for Christmas? That’s right. Me. You’ve been pining all year, wondering how you’re going to fix up your new apartment or land that hottie that just started working in the company’s mailroom. Don’t worry, I’m here. The Hommemaker. I’ll make everything better and teach you how to do the stuff you were previously too dumb to do. Well, probably not. Really I’ll just talk a lot and make you feel like your life is slightly less empty than you thought it was before. That’s what I’m here for. Merry Christmas! Love, The…

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