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This Week In Instagramz

Dear Reader, Here is what my life looked like for the past two weeks, based on my Instagram feed. How amazing is this beautiful hand sculpture? It’s at the gross mall in Santa Rosa that I forced my BFF from HS to take me to so that I shop my break-up woes away. A fun fact about this place is that they have the best Forever 21 Mens department in the United States of America. I’m serious. Go there! Yes, I know you’ve seen this site a million times, but how could one EVER get sick of the Golden Gate…

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Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent’s Ugly House

Dear Gays, Have you seen the Harper’s Bazaar spread of Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent’s Totally Ugly Hollywood Hills House? I have. And when I say “Totally Ugly,” I mean, totally glamorous and enviable and like the exact house I want to live in right now. Which makes me want to die. Are you ever just, like, minding your own business, thinking life is totally fine, when all the sudden you see something that makes you feel like a homeless troll that lives in a cardboard box under a bridge? Well, that’s exactly how I felt when I saw Jeremiah and Nate’s house….

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How Marriage Equality Ruined My Life

Dear The Person Doing Me The Favor of Reading This Blog, Perhaps you have noticed I have been gone. Where have I been, you ask? Here’s a hint (in the form of a card I received in the mail from The Blake Wright): Yes, my relationship is over. The relationship I waited my whole life for, since I came out at age 15 is through. And I’m like totally a disgusting mess. I don’t really know why I am telling you this, except for that I feel this need to explain myself. Like why I’m acting like such a weirdo…

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Whut Glamour: Graphic Tees from Calvin Klein

Dear You, I’ve been absent for a while, sorry! I have a super good explanation but I can’t tell you about it yet because it’s top secret… In other news, do you spend hours every day wishing all of your clothing combined your love for of the gorgeous sky with your love of geometric shapes? Well, thankfully, Calvin Klein has answered all your prayers with this glamorous collection of ridiculously colorful landscape v. graphica sweaters. Check it out. Calvin Klein Spring 2014 Menswear Collection I pretty much feel that these were designed specifically for me. And I want all of…

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Why I’m So Obsessed With The Blake Wright

Dear The Blake Wright, Sometimes, I have days where I don’t know what I’m doing. When I’m doing like 17 jobs at once. I run from pretending to do one task to pretending to another. And then I go sit at a coffee shop and wonder why neither of the tasks I was supposed to do got done. And then I look at Facebook and my life feels meaningful. But then I realize my life is not meaningful specifically because I am looking at Facebook. And then I daydream about what Gay movie I want to watch later. The latest one…

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Whut Glamour: New Book from Carlo Van de Roer

Dear People With Eyeballs and Brains, If you’ve been paying very close attention, you probably know I love the glorious work of photographer Carlo Van de Roer. HARK! He is releasing a new book of his Portrait Machine Project series and I am totally excited about owning it, ogling it, and caressing it. Read more about The Portrait Machine project here. And then pre-order your book here. Do both of those things right now. Love, Orlando PS: Read my previous post on Carlo here.

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That One Time I Stumbled Into The Most Amazing House In The World

Dear Donatella Versace (Pre-Facelift and Lip-Injection), A few weeks ago, I put my Gaggle of Gays in the trunk of my car and took them to Palm Springs for a weekend of meaningless pool parties, long theoretical pool-side discussions, and mid-day jogs in 109 degree weather. Yes, it was Memorial Day in the desert, and every single homosexual I know was in Palm Springs wandering around looking for fun. Our goal was to make our weekend as brainless and undignified as possible. Which we excelled at until, like alcoholic homeless prostitutes poised for humiliation and social ostracization, we drunkenly stumbled…

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Is Gay Pride a Shame?

Dear Diary, This past weekend was LA’s Gay Pride celebration, three days of drinking and debauchery in honor of our Community. As is always the case, I noticed a lot of haters this year, bagging on Gay Pride from a number of different viewpoints. The most obvious protestors are the uber-religious zealots holding “God Hates Fags” signs along the parade route. And then there’s the classic self-hating gays who think the festival makes us all look like freaks. But this year was the first year I noticed so many progressive, Gay-positive people who were totally alienated from the entire weekend…

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Palm Tree Get On My Face

Dear Diary, Because I live in Los Angeles, most of my waking hours are spent thinking about palm trees, coconuts, fruit flavored gum, sunscreen, and palm trees. And did I mention palm trees? Also, being that this coming weekend is Memorial Day weekend, the entire homosexual population of Los Angeles will be evacuating to Palm Springs. I actually have no idea what happens to people who stay in LA. What do they do with no gay waiters to feed them at restaurants? No gay hairstylists to do their hair? And no gay decorators to decorate their homes? Every single gay…

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Check Out This Homme Makeover!

Dear You, One time, I decorated my apartment, and all was good. But then I got bored, so I decorated it again. But then I got bored again so I decorated it again. And then I wrote a post about it for Emily’s Blog. Go check it out! You can do it! Love, Orlando PS: Don’t forget to click here in order to be sent to Emily’s blog where your eyeballs will marvel at the glamorous photos Zeke Ruelas took of my place.

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Whut Glamour: New Art by David Benjamin Sherry

Dear Jenna von Oÿ, I loved you on Blossom as her quirky, fast-talking sidekick Six. You know what I also love? David Benjamin Sherry. I’ve been obsessing over his work for a while now. I went to an opening of his show at OHWOW Gallery recently and it not only blew my socks off it blew them all the way to the moon where they spontaneously combusted over how much they liked his work. In case you don’t know, David Benjamin Sherry looks like this: He’s totally cool. I would so wear that outfit. Sherry’s show, Wonderful Land, was at OHWOW Gallery, a…

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What Are You Doing In The Bathroom!?!

Dear People Who Saw Me On That HGTV Show, You know, one of my favorite things about having been on a television series is that I no longer have to go to the bathroom. The truth about the people you see on the TV is that none of them go to the bathroom anymore. It’s just a fact of life for people who work in entertainment. I mean, honestly, can you imagine that Clair Danes ever has to use the restroom? No, she doesn’t. Because she’s famous. That being said, I find it kind of fun and frivolous to have…

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D.I.Why? How To Make A Giant Painting

Dear Sir or Madam, Please visit Emily Henderson’s glorious blog to read my step-by-step tutorial on how to paint a giant painting. I promise you will like it. If you don’t, you can have your money back. Love, Orlando

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What You Should Do In San Francisco

Dear World, A wise man once said the following: “My brain lives in New York, my body lives in Los Angeles, and my heart lives in San Francisco.” That wise man was me. San Francisco just feels like home, always has. My family visited quite a bit during my childhood so I have a lot of memories of being a little boy there, wandering around the SFMOMA with my mom or begrudgingly going to Giants games with my dad (I like them more now that there is beer involved). I went to San Francisco a few weeks ago to visit…

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Living La Vida Habra

Dear Lady in Nebraska That Reads My Blog, When I’m not running off to DC to design makeovers for senior citizens with Emily or driving around LA looking for the perfect props for a photo shoot, I can sometimes be found designing spaces for my own clients. Lately, I’ve been concentrating on a family that lives in La Habra, a beautiful little town outside of Los Angeles that features mountains, trees, and happy families with adorable children that run around saying endearing things all day. I haven’t gotten to the styling part, so there is still a lot to be…

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Around The Apartment: Everything Must Go!

Dear Diary, Have you wondered where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to? Me too. Most of my time has gone to decorating houses with Emily Henderson, pulling my hair out over taxes, and daydreaming about my boyfriend running on the beach in a Speedo. We have a big West Elm photo/video shoot coming up in our apartment, so things are changing daily here. As you may remember my apartment was shot for Refinery29 a few months ago. Here are a few of those shots: Spring is a time for refreshing change, so I bought a few new books…

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Changing Your Profile Pic Is Not Activism

 Dear Gays, A few days ago, I was sitting next to my boyfriend playing with his beautiful hair, thinking about the future, and looking at facebook when I noticed a few of my friends were changing their profile pics to pink equal signs that look like this: I didn’t really know what it was, but assumed it had something to do with the upcoming Supreme Court cases about gay marriage. Cut to this morning when, slowly, my entire facebook feed turned pink and red, a collage of people changing their profile pics in support of gay marriage. This changing wave…

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Whut Glamour: Art by Tessa Neustadt

Dear Diary, Most of the time when we think of fancy artists we think of people in a faraway place. I tend to imagine them standing, tortured, in front of a blank canvas in their downtown LA studios, wearing tight black jeans and huge white t-shirts. People don’t often imagine that they could be sitting RIGHT NEXT TO an artistic genius. I was recently made aware of this when I found out Tessa Neustadt, my colleague at Emily Henderson Design, makes awesome photographs I want to put all over my body. I mean all over my apartment. Here they are:…

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Blast From The Past: 5 Trends I Didn’t See Coming Back So Soon

Dear Diary, Sometime last year, I remember hearing that camo was back. “Camo” as in camouflage. I found this news infuriating, as I had just thrown away my camo thermal shirt the week prior, having decided it had its heyday in 2007 when I bought it, and I was over it. But this is the thing with trends, one minute everyone is all about them, the next they’re over it and you look like you’re wearing something totally lame and outdated. And now that information spreads so quickly, trends leave us and come back and leave us come back faster…

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Much Ado About Nightstands

Hey There, Are you freaking out about the fact that your nightstand sucks and looks garbagey?Check out my post on Emily’s blog today about how I styled mine. You’ll be happy you did. Read Post Here. Love, Orando

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Forgiving Those Who Take Forever To Come Out

Dear World, I came out of the closet when I was 15. At the time, I lived in a house right under this waterfall: I worked here: And I went to this gross high school: I’ve actually always hated that phrase, “coming out of the closet.” It implies you’ve been lying about something your whole life, when in reality you’re just a kid trying to figure out who you are. As much as I resented that term, however, I decided it was important to come out because I thought it would be beneficial for the kids at my isolated high…

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How I Learned to Stop Hating The Grove

Dear Reader, In cities all over the world, there are shopping districts where urban dwellers flock to meet up with their friends, stare at beautiful things, and perhaps even buy something they want (or, GASP!, need). Paris has Les Champs-Élysées. Tokyo has the Ginza. And here in Los Angeles, we have The Grove. But what exactly is The Grove? Is it a shopping mall where we find the newest treasure? Is it a community space where you take your children to play? Is it a terrifying dystopia where every childhood fear I had about the future comes true, in vivid…

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I Want To Crawl Inside This Music Video

Dear St. Vincent, I’m in love with your music video for “Cheerleader” directed by Hiro Murai. According to Yatzer, the video was inspired by the art of Ron Mueck, an artist who makes enormous sculptures of humans in awkward positions. Annie Clark (AKA St. Vincent) looks beautiful. Like a giant porcelain doll. The whole thing is amazing. Enjoy! [vimeo 36052867 w=657 h=318] Love, Orlando

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Deliver Me To Hedi Land

Dear Hedi Slimane, You are my favorite photographer. Everyone knows that. You have a wonderful fashion diary I look at all the time. It brings me great joy. But lately every time I look at one of your photographs they make me want to be an active participant in the awesome world you document because everyone looks so cool and aloof and glamorous. Below is a list of things your photos make me want to do: 1. Sit on the ground and contemplate my feelings. 2. Play a guitar on a diving board whist wearing skinny jeans. 3. Stand with a…

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