My So-Called Barber

Dear Self,

Are you ever like “Hey, this is the worst day of my life and I feel like a moldy thrown-away tortilla on Seis De Mayo”? Well there is one sure-fire way to cheer yourself up on days like these. All you have to do is go to the nearest barber or hair salon and ask them to chop of all of your hair. There is nothing more therapeutic than running into a chic salon and screaming “CUT IT OFF ME!!!!” with tears streaming down your withered face, bony face.

The other day I was feeling like an ugly Rumpelstiltskin. The best thing to do when you feel like a disgusting hogface is to get a haircut. I guarantee it will always make you feel better. If you have the right stylist that is. If not it will ruin your life. This is why I go to Shane at The Cut By Barbershop. He looks like this:

The Cut By Barbershop is kind of like a speakeasy. There is no sign outside. When you make an appointment you are given the top secret location. Then when you get there you’re like “where am I?” Then you walk in the door and you’re like “What? How is this amazing barbershop still such a secret?” And then you feel super cool for knowing about a place that is so secret even the owner hardly knows it exists.

The exposed beam ceiling is pretty cool. Shane has added a lot of lighting to this place to make sure you can see your perfect new haircut and dazzling white teeth.

Have you ever been like “I want a giant mirror!” and then you look for giant mirrors and realize they cost more than a brand new Mercedes? Mirrors are ridiculously expensive. Which is why I love this totally clever idea Shane implemented in his shop. He used vintage brass closet doors as mirrors. It not only looks industrial chic, it also gets points for being so inventive.

I love this vintage Mobil Pegasus. His actually lights up. And that dog is so adorable I want to put it in a glass cage and stare at it forever.

The shop is filled with cool object, including these horns.

Percentage of times I’ve had a drink whilst getting a haircut: 0%
Percentage of times I’ve wanted a drink whilst getting a haircut: 100%

I love the design of these Hudson Whiskey labels. I like whiskey, but seeing that bottle makes me like it ever more.

One time when I was little our next door neighbor used to wear a helmet while she raked the yard. She did this because she was scared an acorn would fall from high above and end her life. Her fear of acorns did not stop me and my siblings from making fun of her every day. Fast forward to me seeing this helmet at Shane’s shop. Would it be weird if I started wearing a motorcycle helmet, even though I don’t ride a motorcycle? I hope not because I want to wear this one every day. To the gym, to the movies. To your wedding. Everywhere!

There is nothing more American than barbershops, so I was happy to see this American flag on the wall.

Why do I not own this speaker and/or fully understand what it is? It is so beautiful.

If you find yourself in Hollywood and look up to see this sign in a window, run inside immediately and get a haircut. Hurry!

A strange truth about this place is that as soon as I started going I found out all my stupid friends go there too but never told me about it. It was like some weird secret society that no one invited me to. Meanwhile I was outside laying on he pavement eating a whole cake by myself. Not really. But I felt so left out of this barberglamour. Which is why I am telling you about it now. Because I am such a good person.

Look how cool this mid-century barber chair is. Looks kinda like an Eames chair…

I’m pretty sure Shane has a trunk hoarding problem, because there are a lot of trunks at The Cut By.

That damn speaker again. Mine.

And here’s me with a fresh new haircut. No longer a moldy tortilla, I feel like a hot tamale!

Thanks for the glamourtimez, Shane. I’ll be back soon.


8 thoughts on “My So-Called Barber

  1. So glad that you lost the Bieber Hair. Which really we were all calling the Hitler Hair, whenever it showed up on the show with you under it. But anyway it’s gone now, and we’re glad. You look very nice.

  2. Love the look of the place but don’t think we don’t see you pushing your fists up against your biceps to make yourself look bigger! 😉

  3. Man I love that dog! I wish this place would cut my long, womanhairs bec it’s fucking awesome looking.

  4. I don’t know if this is going to be a duplicate comment or not… but as Tony the Tiger would say, Orlando, “You look GRRRRrrreat!” Big hugs from Dallas (TX)

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