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The Worst Flea Market Experience in the History of Time!

Dear Emily, Remember last weekend when we went to the Long Beach Antique Market and it was, like, the worst experience of our whole lives? Well, it was raining, which was a bad sign, but we went anyway. As we were arriving (later than normal due to both of us oversleeping), all the vendors were rushing to put their stuff away, running away from us in terror like we were zombies coming for their flesh. For those of you who don’t live in Southern California, it should be noted that people here respond to rain as if it were the…

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Hollywood Diary: Katy Perry

Dear Diary, One time, my friend Johnny took me to see a Katy Perry concert. This is what Johnny looks like. Yes, he’s hot. Duh. Johnny is Katy Perry’s stylist. Which means he dresses her for events and often custom designs her wardrobe for music videos and public appearances. He also does a ton of other celebs like Nikki Minaj, Zooey Deschanel, and Rachel Bilson. And pretty much every other big name out there. He’s a huge deal, he’s super talented, and he’s super sweet. Johnny and I were talking about mustaches the other night and I’m digging this picture…

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Whut Glamour: New Painting for the Dining Room!

Dear The Painting I Just Made, My friend and fellow designer Matthew Lanphier commissioned me to make you for one of his clients recently, and here are the results. I have been painting waves since graduate school, but none have had this crazy sense of movement and noise. Here is a view of the painting hanging in my dining room. I have to admit, I kind of you want to keep you in my apartment, Painting, and never let you go. I’ll miss you, but I am comforted that you will be loved in your new home in Chicago… Love,…

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Hey Look I’m in the ‘Design Sponge’ Book!

Dear Design Sponge, A few years ago, you wrote a post about a project I did in my first LA apartment. The other day, Emily and I were leafing through your new book and were delighted to discover my project made it in. It’s a beautiful book, and a lot of fun to look at. Well done and thanks for including me! (Click here to see the whole project on Design Sponge). Love, Orlando

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Whut Glamour: Hedi Slimane Exhibit

Dear Hedi Slimane, I tried to see your exhibit California Song on its opening night, but it was so swamped with glamourmodels and celebs like Kirsten Dunst that I couldn’t even get in the building. Thus, I’ve been dying to feast my eyes on it since I heard it was coming to MOCA PDC. I visited the exhibit Saturday and I must say it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen in my whole stupid life. Here is the banner on the outside of MOCA PDC (sidenote: am I the only one who thinks the Pacific Design Center is the most…

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Drawingtimez: Martha Marcy May Marlene

Dear Movie Lovers, I forced a friend to go see Martha Marcy May Marlene recently. It was probably the most despicable act I’ve ever committed in my life. Every review I saw for the film was positive. However, this is actually what the film did to my friend and me: If you’re interested in viewing the trailer, here you go! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_k3wCsOgqk] In conclusion, I must acknowledge that Martha Marcy May Marlene is a great movie. It is completely well-made and gorgeous and haunting (Sidenote: awesome production design and cinematography). I just wish that I’d never, ever seen it because it…

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Fun With Bedside Tables, Succulents, and a Piggy!

Dear Bedside Tables, You know, it’s funny, because I don’t find myself  thinking about you that often, but I just noticed you’re one of the most accessorized parts of my apartment. Yesterday, I got a ceramic piggy speaker from West Elm and it kind of added the perfect spice (and function) to my bedside table. One of my favorite things about my apartment is that there are tons of palm trees outside, so I like to sleep on the side of the bed next to the window so the palms are the first thing I see when I wake up….

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Fleamarkettimez: Rose Bowl

Dear Stormy Weather, Where were you Sunday for the Rose Bowl Flea Market? I thought it was going to be all rainy and gross, but instead it was sunny and glorious. And hot. I showed up early with Bonnie, one of the new members of Team Emily and we scoured the Bowl for fun finds. I’m going to be honest, it wasn’t the best week for Rose Bowl. Firstly, Emily was in Orlando (Florida, no relation) and so that was sad. Second, we didn’t find everything we needed for our interior design clients (mainly, a ton of benches and a…

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Experimenting With Art Walls

Dear Diary, I have a gallery wall in my living room. The other day I looked at it and got bored so I decided to play around with it. I’m actually not sure I like the changes I made but I’m going to share them with you anyway, Diary, because you’re always there for me and you never let me down. Anyhoo, here are some before pictures: Sidenote: How rad is my Lands’ End tote? I just got it and I’m kind of obsessed. To stir things up, I nixed the mid century architectural drawing and added an ugly painting…

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The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me In My Whole Life

Dear Diary, Have you ever been so excited about something that you thought your little hummingbird heart might explode? Well, I think I probably drank too much coffee this morning because I feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust with excitement about the Hedi Slimane exhibit that is opening tomorrow at the MOCA annex at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood. Slimane is hands-down my favorite photographer in the history of time. I just love the world he represents, where everyone is a crazy 90z heroin addict musician, everyone is skeleton thin, and they live in lush beautiful environments…

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Martha! Martha! Martha!

Dear Martha Lovers, One time, in kindergarten, our teacher asked us to draw a picture of what we would look like when we were 40. I basically drew a picture of my father (who has black hair and a mustache) with wrinkles and worms crawling out of his face. My perception was that as soon as I turned 30 I would immediately start decomposing and turn into a zombie. I hope that premonition wasn’t true… In other news, do you ever find yourself looking at Martha Stewart, saying to yourself HOMEGIRL LOOKS GOOD! I mean, the woman is 70 years…

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Pictures From Where I Was From

Dear Diary, Until last week it was still summer in Los Angeles. For the entirety of the endless Halloweekend 2011, it was 80 degrees and gorgeous. Thus, I have been itching for some fall weather. Some trees with yellowing leaves. Some fall rain, wetting the dry grasses and making everything smell like freshly brewed chamomile tea. Instead, what we have in LA is bimbos (male and female) playing volleyball underneath palm trees, tanning their skin in the glorious sunlight and going on hikes carrying an iced coffee in one hand and an adorable Chihuahua in the other. Sometimes the only way…

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Orlando’s Obsession: Vuluptuous Volvos

Dear Car Enthusiasts, Let me just start this post by saying one thing. I am not a car enthusiast. I don’t know that much about cars. Not that I don’t love car design and pretty cars, but I have, like, 450,000 other hobbies and so there’s just no more room in my heart for another one. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about cars at all though. In fact, one time I nearly ended a friendship over a disagreement about cars. This was in high school, obviously. We had nothing better to fret about. Apparently (I don’t actually remember this…

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Fake Joan Didion Quote of the Week: Halloween!

“After an entire year of magical thinking about where I was from, I have not the brainpower left to think of a stupid Halloween costume. I guess I’ll have to go as a Sexy Kitty, AGAIN!” – Joan Didion* * Joan Didion never said this. But don’t you think she’d make an ADORABLE Sexy Kitty?  

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Found Art: Shopping Bag

Dear Diary, I found this shopping bag drawing in the bathroom at Cafe Stella in Silverlake. It’s simple, but genius. Love, Orlando

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Trick? Or? Treat?: Robyn

Dear Robyn, I went to your concert last weekend and it was totally fun. That being said I had little choice in whether or not I went to the concert. Gays are obligated by Gay Law to attend Robyn concerts, even if they don’t want to (which, to be honest, I kind of didn’t). I have gone to all of your (seemingly monthly) LA concerts for the past few years and I have never paid for one or planned ahead. For some reason there are ALWAYS extra Robyn tickets at the last minute that people are just dying to give…

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I’m A Giant: Update!

Dear Dollhousers, Something totally awesome happened this week. Emily and I were just hanging out, going about our business of designing houses for dolls and houses for people, when we got a package from Janet Blair (reader, designer, dollhouser) in North Carolina filled with awesome dollhouse furniture. In the box was this awesome rug. I think I am going to dye it somehow or color it in. I think it’s pretty as it but I like the idea of making it more colorful. This little dresser (for the kids’ room) is adorable. I think I am going to lacquer it…

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Why Halloween Is Annoying

Dear Halloween, Let me preface this by saying that I love you and that you have given me some of the best memories of my whole entire life. I grew up in a neighborhood where it wasn’t weird to trick-or-treat until you were 18 years old (which I did) and I always had the best time ever. But Halloween, you get more high maintenance every year. Mainly, it’s the costume thing. There’s so much pressure to think of something topical and clever. But not too clever, otherwise no one will get it and you’ll feel like a pretentious jerk. Last…

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Orlando’s Obsession: O Mirrors!

Dear Mirrors, I like it when you are circular in shape. I think it’s because I have so much rectangular art in my apartment. I’ve just been dying for some curves. Also, my name starts with “O” and I like things that look like “O”s. Here are some adorable examples of “O” mirrors I found. O God: the mirror. Double O God: the chairs! I think you can get away with a simple circular mirror like this it’s right next to a complicated art wall. Sometimes I feel like I’m a complicated art wall. I’m not a huge fan of…

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I’m A Giant Update

Dear Dolls Waiting To Move Into My Dollhouse, Due to reasons beyond my control, there has been a slight delay in the construction of your home. Emily and I have been swamped with full-sized human clients and it turns out your house has been swept to the back burner until we get our human interior design projects further along. Don’t be sad, Dolls, I did see this wonderful fixer-upper at Rose Bowl over the weekend (for $68!). If you like, you can rent it while you wait for your glamour barn to be built. I know it’s not your style,…

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Cover Me In Music

Dear Maxence Cyrin, This morning I woke up with grandiose plans of cleaning my whole apartment, making three pieces of artwork, finishing that boring New Yorker article about Keynesian economics (I’m sorry, sometimes economics makes my eyes glaze over), and going to the gym for 7 hours. But then I came across your cover of Where Is My Mind by the Pixies and I couldn’t stop listening to your songs. So now here I am, stuck inside on this gorgeous, clear Autumn day in Los Angeles. Listening to the most beautiful music in the world. It’s the perfect combination of high-brow,…

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Are You Vegan? Or Racist?

Dear Human, Do you ever wish there was a better way to describe things as “awesome” or “lame”? Well, I’ve thought of a new system. Actually my brother thought of it like tens years ago and now I’m sharing it with you. Basically, anything good and righteous should be referred to as “vegan.” Anything lame and vile is “racist.” These are good descriptives because what could be worse than a racist? Or more righteous and awesome than a vegan? I may eat whole animals and blocks of cheese, but I still consider myself a vegan. In spirit at least. I…

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