Blog – Page 89 – Orlando Soria

Jan / 29 / 2013

Be Still My Art

Dear Santa Monica, I resent you. Not because you’re not appealing and I don’t appreciate your pretty coastal views and your superior coffee shops. But mostly because you’re so far away. When someone moves West from the central part of Los Angeles (West Hollywood, Hollywood, Los Feliz, Silverlake, etc), we all pretty much say goodbye to them. People who live on the West Side are pretty much dead to everyone else. This is why I found it so hard to work up the motivation to drive all the way to Santa Monica on Sunday to enjoy the Art Los Angeles…

Jan / 24 / 2013Oct / 12 / 2013

That One Time I Almost Single White Female’d My Client

Dear Diary, Remember that movie Single White Female? Where Bridget Fonda was all “Hay I’m Bridget Fonda I’m pretty and Jane Fonda is my auntie” and then Jennifer Jason Leigh is all “Hay Bridget Fonda I want to steal your boyfriend and stab you with a high heel.” I saw that movie when I was ten and it enriched my life forever. It’s just so good. Pretty girls running around an apartment trying to escape being murdered by high heels? It reminds me of a typical Saturday in West Hollywood. Anyway, I’ve been feeling pretty Single White Femaley recently, upon…

Jan / 21 / 2013Oct / 12 / 2013

Some Drawings That Came Out of the Closet

Dear Diary, I have these neighbors that live upstairs and sometimes my boyfriend and I sneak up to their deck to water their plants, luxuriate in the sun, and pretend we live there (they live in the penthouse right above us so this is very convenient). Yesterday, after a major succulent repotting session, we wandered into their apartment (invited in, sort of) and snooped around in their closets. I’m not a nosy person. Actually, scratch that, yes I am and I love looking at other people’s closets. This particular closet snoop was particularly fruitful because I found a bag filled…

Jan / 16 / 2013Oct / 12 / 2013

Five Things I Need For My Extreme Makeover: Homme Edition

Dear Helen Frankenthaler, Remember when you sat in this room full of your paintings and it was like ‘Oh, my god’? Me neither, but this image shows me everything I’ve ever wanted in a living space: giant art, the color blue, and girl wearing a hairband. Because it is the dead of winter and we just did all that New Years resoluting, I have change on my mind. Which means that it’s time to maniacally makeover my apartment. I lucked out with my glamourous gay Melrose Place apartment building, but there are a few little things missing from my living…

Jan / 5 / 2013Oct / 12 / 2013

Orlando’s Obsession: Vintage Interview Magazines

Dear Andy Warhol, I have been obsessed with you since I read your Diaries when I was 14. I started reading your Interview Magazine around the same time. This magazine epitomized (and still does) everything glamorous about living in New York: fashion, music, art, and the bohemian lifestyle of the city’s creative community. I still subscribe to Interview after all theses years (yes, I still read magazines made out of paper) and receiving it always makes me happy. While the new issues of Interview are always great, I’ve developed a passion for the vintage ones. This passion began a few years…

Jan / 2 / 2013Oct / 12 / 2013

New Years Resolutions Every Gay Should Live By

Dear Gays, Are you, like me, still hungover from celebrating New Years? Did you mean to have tons of resolutions this year, but now you’re too braindead and irritated to think of any? Well you’re in luck, because I’ve taken the liberty of thinking of some resolutions for you. Living by these rules will bring you much success (and a man!) in 2013. I promise. 1. Go on a weird diet that freaks everyone out. Whatever your body composition is, why not change it up for 2013? If, like me, you went a little crazy with eating and drinking during…

Dec / 30 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

New Year, New Yule

Dear My Family, This year marked an important milestone for us, our last Christmas in Yosemite. For those out there that don’t know this FunFact, I was raised within the confines of America’s first preserved natural space, Yosemite National Park (yes, inside the park boundaries, my parents worked there). Every Christmas in my memory has been the same. My family always gathered at my parents’ house to eat too much, drink too much, and then go on long, guilty walks to work off that post-holiday fat feeling. This year we lucked out with a ton of snow, which always contributes…

Dec / 27 / 2012Mar / 6 / 2013

Tears for Spheres: Pillow Balls from the House of Yes

Dear Everyone, Are you looking for something sculptural, unique, and beautiful for your home? Are you tired of boring normalpillows, with their boring normalpillow shape? If so, let me introduce you to Andrew Yes. He looks like this: Andrew is a friend of mine who lives in New York, where he works as an interior designer and a visual artist. You can see some of his wonderful work on his website. Recently, he started producing a line of beautiful products, including the fantastic spherical pillows shown below. They are a great accent for the sofa, the bed, or the floor…

Dec / 20 / 2012Mar / 6 / 2013

Dressers For Dudes!

Dear Readers, I have a pile of vintage crates in my room where I store my sweaters and jeans. It looks kind of like this except not at all because my pile of crates is totally ugly and lame and this one is, like, totally cool: Anyway, this morning I awoke and stared at my stupid pile of crates. And then I turned to those crates and said “Hey, Crates. You suck and you’re ugly.” To which The Crates responded “Hey, you’re ugly too! If you hate us so much then why don’t you grow up and buy a dresser…

Nov / 14 / 2012Mar / 6 / 2013

Glamourtimez: At Home With My Design Clients!

Dear Diary, Every year when fall arrives, I get the sudden urge to stop working for the rest of the year, put on some ugly-yet-cozy sweat pants and woolen socks, and continually eat soup whilst watching Anjelica Houston movies, clutching my heart locket close to my breast as I think about that special someone. Something about the change in weather, the perpetual darkness, and the knowledge that the holidays are coming makes me incredibly lazy. I drink tea and think about the future, drink Diet Hansens soda and think about the past, and spend hours worrying about how I am…

Nov / 9 / 2012Mar / 6 / 2013

10 Jackets I Want To Put On My Face

Dear Diary, One time, I was totally content with my life, without a care in the world. Then I started browsing Mr Porter and realized I am poor and have the ugliest clothes ever. For those of you not familiar, Mr Porter is a glamourous luxury website where all the clothing costs $400,000 and is completely necessary if you want to continue living. My latest thing is looking at jackets, because after months of languishing in the hot summer heat of Los Angeles, trapped in multi-million dollar infinity pools at hilltop estates, it’s finally cold here. Some see fall as…

Nov / 7 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Los Angeles in Instagramz

Dear Diary, Are you curious what I’ve been up to and what I’ve been seeing? Me neither! But I’m going to show you anyway. Here is what I’ve been gawking at the last few weeks: The loading dock at Blueprint Furniture. David Furnish’s 50th Birthday at Greystone Manor. The lovely typography of Gallery Brown on Orlando Avenue. Gorgeous new plants from Mickey Hartigay Plants, where Mickey’s staff kindly replanted our succulents into gorgeous pots (also available there) for free. See below: New hybrid cactus my handsome boyfriend discovered at Mickey’s. At home on the bedside table. Ridiculously cute new Gold…

Nov / 1 / 2012Mar / 6 / 2013

From Barfy to Beautiful: Transforming An Ugly Dresser!

Dear Diary, There was an empty wall to fill at Jon’s place and I had no idea what to do with it. It was one of those spaces that seemed to be begging for a bench or a credenza. But that would be too obvious, so I decided to put a dresser there. I believe that dressers can go in any room. They are beautiful pieces of furniture and they provide storage. And who doesn’t need more storage? I found this ugly dresser at Wertz Brothers: I chose to paint it a Benjamin Moore green color called Vine (2034). Emily…

Oct / 23 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Yosemite: Autumnal Instagramz

Dear Diary, I returned home over the weekend for a friend’s wedding celebration. In addition to the celebratory food and drink I inhaled at her party, I also inhaled the beauty of autumn in Yosemite. Naturally, I Insta’d as much as I could. After all, if a tree exists in a forest but you don’t Instagram it, does it really exist? (No). Yosemite Falls, minus the falls. Yosemite’s famous lone maple tree. It sits by itself at the edge of the field, telling everyone when fall arrives. It wears the brightest colors in Yosemite, which reminds me a lot of…

Oct / 16 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

A Pop Of Color Inspired By Pop Art

Dear Diary, Do you ever have trouble figuring out what color to paint something? For example, I purchased this great coffee table for a client recently. It was red when I bought it. But sadly red wasn’t in the color palette, so I had to paint it another color. But what color? Sometimes I like to use art as an inspiration for color. This is because artists know more than regular people about what color things should be. Because the home I’m working on has a lot of quirky elements and bright colors, I decided to use Roy Lichtenstein as…

Oct / 15 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

10 Rules For Sexy Gay Homosexual Halloween Costumes

Oh Halloween, Every autumn, my brain fills with memories of trick-or-treating, homemade costumes, spiced apple cider, haunted houses, and plastic pumpkins filled with candy. I come from a place where the whole neighborhood pitched in to make trick-or-treating super fun. I have always loved Halloween and costumes. But somewhere along the way it went from a carefree holiday about getting as much candy as possible to a stress-ridden competition about who can find the cleverest rationale for dressing like a male prostitute. Gay world is a lot like Girl World. Like the American Female, Gay Homosexuals like to attend Halloween…

Oct / 11 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

From Rags To Riches: 1970s Chairs

Dear Ugly Chairs I Found in September, When I first gazed upon your ugliness, I knew you could be beautiful. So I bought you and reupholstered you in gorgeous grey canvas. Here is what you looked like before: And here you are now: I love that you are both slouchy and tailored, tufted and structural. The cost breakdown is as follows: 2 Chairs from Sunbeam Vintage: $150 4 Yards grey canvas from International Silks and Woolens: $50 Upholstery labor costs: $160 Total: $360 Not bad for a pair of totally unique, high-quality chairs. If you don’t feel like going through…

Oct / 5 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Whut Glamour: Chris Camargo’s Los Angeles

Dear Chris Camargo, I love the beautiful images of Los Angeles you kindly share on your photo blog. You capture our city the way only somebody who truly loves it could. If you’re having a bad day, hating the smog, plastic surgery, and superficiality that gives this city a bad rap, take a look at these pretty pictures: These pictures make me happy. Love, Orlando PS: Check out Chris Camargo’s professional site for more fashion and commercial photographs.

Oct / 4 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Fifty Fun Fall Fashion Finds

Dear Fall, After a summer full of too many pool parties, concerts, crazy weekends, and fun, I could not possibly be more excited about the end of summer. Bye Summer, don’t let the door hit you on the way out! I am ready to spend the fall doing nothing, sitting inside, pretending to read a book whilst snuggled up under a perfectly draped wool blanket, drinking hot tea, staring out the window as rain falls, thinking about the future, my fear of it, and how I wish I cared more about the election. Everyone knows the most important thing about…

Oct / 2 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

My So-Called Barber

Dear Self, Are you ever like “Hey, this is the worst day of my life and I feel like a moldy thrown-away tortilla on Seis De Mayo”? Well there is one sure-fire way to cheer yourself up on days like these. All you have to do is go to the nearest barber or hair salon and ask them to chop of all of your hair. There is nothing more therapeutic than running into a chic salon and screaming “CUT IT OFF ME!!!!” with tears streaming down your withered face, bony face. The other day I was feeling like an ugly…

Oct / 1 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Let’s Have A Hipswap!

Dear Reader, Have you dedicated your life to filling your home with beautiful things, only to realize you’re beautiful things are starting to turn your house into a hoardingland? Well, I have. Which is why I’ve decide to do some spring cleaning. Just in time for fall. I’m selling some of my favorite things on Hipswap, which is essentially a more glamorous version of Craigslist that is much easier on the eyes (Sidenote: Dear Craigslist, why does your site still look like it’s 1996?). Anyway, below are is a selection of items I’m selling. Falling painting, acrylic on canvas. A…

Sep / 28 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Oh My God Where Did You Get That ADORABLE Nazi Tee?

Dear Reader, The other day I was at the gym when I spotted a dude wearing this T-Shirt from American Apparel. It’s a pretty rad shirt. I love pink. I love triangles. And I love graphic tees. But the shirt is also a political statement. Now, not only can you buy ugly/ironic non-functioning spectacles and short shorts at American Apparel (thank god), you can also buy fashionably political t-shirts. Is this cool? Or perplexing? Or both? Also, I want one. Is that okay? And now for a mini Gay history lesson, as told by someone whose knowledge of Gay history is…

Sep / 27 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Whut Glamour: Union Station

Dear Diary, I’ve always loved Union Station in downtown Los Angeles. Recently I snapped some pictures there and I’d like to share them with you. The building’s style is Mission Revival and it opened in 1939. It’s has a ton of history and (GASP!) is an actual functioning train station where you can catch the train to go down south to Long Beach or up north to San Francisco. If you’ve never taken the train in California, you must! The train tracks take you along agricultural fields and grand, golden California vistas. As for Union Station, it looks like this:…

Sep / 26 / 2012Oct / 12 / 2013

Um, What Is That On Your Face? [Evolution Man Product Review]

Dear Lovers of Facial Products for Men, Every morning when I wake up, I look just like this: I know what you’re thinking. Not my best look. I’ve had a hard, hard life. But don’t lose hope! After a good face scrubbing using an industrial sander I apply 17 layers of facial creams, elixirs, eye gels, bronzers, and anti-aging serums made from baby elephants. And after all that I look like this: Okay, just kidding. I don’t really look like that either. That picture took hours of Zoolander eye smoldering, photoshopping, dreaming, and lamenting the fact that I don’t actually…