Slimane Photographed Vidal. My Life Is Complete.

Dear Friends, Anyone who knows me well knows that two men captivate and thrill me to no end. These men are novelist Gore Vidal, who has written some of the most heartwrenching and sensible words of our time, and Hedi Slimane, fine art photographer and former Dior Homme head designer. Thus, you can imagine my shock and delight when I was browsing Hedi Slimane’s Diary and found that he had photographed Gore, my favorite writer ever. I love that he captured the author in his space, surrounding by all these wonderful and evocative objects. If you don’t know Vidal, start…

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Ravetimez: Arcade Fire Remix!

Dear Thunderlust, Thanks for this fun Arcade Fire remix. As you know, I’m a total fan of fun remixes and this one makes me want to buy a time machine, get into it, go to 1992, attend a rave, and dance and wiggle until dawn. Awesome! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgktVbyYHl4] The track can be downloaded (for free!) here. You’re welcome. Love, Orlando

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O Captain!

Dear Professor Zevi Blum, I found out you died yesterday and it came as a total shock. You impacted my life in a wonderful way. I’m pretty sure you gave me one of the only Bs I ever got in college, but you were a mentor and a leader and an inspiration to all us kids. We were 18, just transplanted from all over the country and the world to one of the coldest collegiate environments in the world. And you were there to be hard on us, to care about us, and to change the way we thought about…

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Fake Joan Didion Quote of the Week!

“What? You think it’s inappropriate to eat a hot dog at the opera? I just want to be free.” – Joan Didion * Joan only said this in my dreams, sadly.

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Hollywoodtimez: ‘Secrets’ Premiere

Dear Diary, I went to a totally glamourous party last weekend. It was to celebrate the premiere of Secrets From A Stylist, my beloved employershow. It was held at an incredibly beautiful bar and lounge called Hemingway’s which I’d never been to before. To be honest, the thing that impressed me the most about the space was the huge number of books they used to decorate the place. We have been using books to prop shelves a lot on the show and [here’s a secret] they’re expensive. Anyway, it was a truly delightful night and I’d say it probably beat…

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Whut Glamour: Bonnie Raitt!

Dear Counterpoint Records and Books, Emily and I came by the other day to buy bargain books to fill a bookshelf and I also scored and found a Bonnie Raitt “Nick of Time” cassette tape that I played all the way to Big Bear last weekend. My parents had this CD when I was little and I remember listening to it in our first generation Ford Explorer as I was driven to the orthodontist and and into “town” to buy stuff. I feel like Bonnie Raitt is totally underrated and awesome. I haven’t listened to any of her new stuff…

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I Hurt for a Yurt

Dear Diary, I just got back from Big Bear and next week’s Secrets makeover is lodge-inspired, so I have the great outdoors on my mind. Naturally, this reminded me of my lifelong obsession with yurts and how I secretly want to flee the city and live in the middle of the woods all by myself, screaming obscenities and anyone who accidentally wanders onto my property and cooking canned beans over a fire pit. I love how much natural light these adorable structures let in during the daytime and how warm and cozy they seem at night (editor’s note: I have…

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Hot Couture: Pringle of Scotland!

Dear Pringle of Scotland, I like your Spring 2011 menswear for a few reasons. Firstly, I love that all your models have my haircut or a haircut to which I aspire. Second, I love the crazy layering going on. Thirdly, I love the minimalist color palette. You win! This guy reminds me of me freshman year of high school, when I wanted to be all gothy and sullen: I like this guy’s hair and I’m digging the big coat with little shorts idea. I think more people need to start wearing shorts more often. I’m also into this electric blue…

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Fun With Art: The Blake Wright!

Dear The Blake Wright, I came across your blog yesterday and I’m completely obsessed with it. It’s all fun illustrations and drawings and I love all of them. They are so clever and fun and delightful. Here are a few of my favorites: Love, Orlando

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Five Haute Things for the Homme: Sleeper Sofas!

Dear New Gross Apartment I Just Signed For Yesterday, I saw you, you were disgusting, but I saw potential. I just signed a lease for an apartment at the base of the Hollywood Hills, two blocks north of the West Hollywood border. It’s right off Laurel Canyon, the longtime home of one of my heros, Joni Mitchell. To make a long story short, it’s a one bedroom (makeover story forthcoming) and I plan to use the living room as a guest bedroom when I have friends visiting from New York and the northern wilds of California, our great Golden State….

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Hollywood Diary: V-Day Party!

Dear Diary, This past Saturday I had the immense pleasure of going to the funnest party in the history of time. It was a Valentines party called “Cupid’s Stupid” thrown by a 20-year-old Ken doll millionaire named GT Dave who played, like, a hugely instrumental role in the popularization of kombucha (a fermented tea drink with crazy health benefits…Read an article about it here). This is what GT Dave looks like (swewn): Here is the view from GT’s enormous Beverly Hills house: I never like taking pictures of crowds at parties because no matter what you do they end up…

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Homme Sweet Homme: Brad Goreski!

Dear Brad, I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I already did and then I saw this picture of you clad in 100% Levi’s. You are awesome, gorgeous, and one of my top style icons. Heartbeatz. Love, Orlando

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Pooltimez

Dear The Owner of Coffee Bean, I am sitting in your West Hollywood location and it is ridiculously hot in here. And you wanna know what I think of when I’m hot, sweaty, and miserable? Pools! You know what else is hot? Global warming! Thus, I was excited to find this project done by a banking corporation to raise awareness about global warming. They printed large images of New York and applied them to the bottom of a pool, indicating that if we don’t do something to stop global warming we are all going to have to live underwater  (just…

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Shhhh! ‘Secrets’ is Airing Soon!

Dear Emily, My new favorite thing is shushing people. Mainly because I think it’s so rude that it becomes ridiculous and thus hilarious. Like who thinks it’s ever appropriate to shush another person? Weirdos. Anyway, I’ll be doing some legitimate shushing on February 26th at 9 PM when “Secrets From A Stylist” airs on HGTV. It’s weird to work on a TV show like this because it’s so intense, involved, and client-based that sometimes it’s easy to forget we are actually making a television show that people will watch (please?). I’m sure you’re all imagining that Emily shows up and…

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Gladvertising: Sweet N Low!

Dear New York Creative Agency Mother, The new ads you made for Sweet N Low are totally rad. I was driving up Western Avenue a few days ago and noticed your work in a bus shelter. I was immediately struck by how fun, inventive, and adorable they were. I’m not particularly a fan of Sweet N Low, but I love the fact that this pretty artwork is being displayed all over the place because of their product. Everyone wins! Love, Orlando

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Hot Couture: Aprontimez!

Dear Dsquared² Twins, In college, I had to wear an apron in painting class in order to protect my obnoxiously overpriced clothing (this was before I graduated and became a hobo). Thus, I cannot tell you how absolutely pleased I was to see that your new collection includes tons of aprons layered into totally crazy outfits (sidenote: what’s going on with layers? It seems like every collection is all about 45 layers for each look. That’s fine in cold places but in LA we can only stand to put on two layers max, and that’s on a cold day). The…

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Five Haute Things: Headphones!

Dear Music Loverz, You know what’s cooler than being an actual cool person? Looking like one because you are wearing totally fun headphones! I have always had a thing for humans who wear unnecessarily large headphones, especially ones in kookie colors. I don’t really understand how people wear these bulky headphones while working out (I mean, they’re pretty much earmuffs, don’t they get hot?). The following are the five headphones I’d buy if I was forced to run out and get some right now. Enjoy! Banjo by WeSC I like how basic and streamlined these are. I’d definitely wear these…

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The ‘No Ingredient’ Diet

Dear Weight-loss Enthusiasts and/or Control Freaks, People often ask me “Orlando! How do you stay so thin while working such long hours?” Actually, no one has ever asked me that, but I fantasize about it every day. In fact, if you see in the street will you please ask me that? My self-esteem depends on it. But for realz, I’ve learned the hard way that working on film and TV sets is probably the worst thing you can do if you’re trying to avoid turning into Ursula The Sea Witch from “The Little Mermaid.” The hours are long leaving little…

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Whut Glamour: Michelle Obama

Dear Michelle Obama, I forgot how totally cute you were until I just saw this picture in the NYT. I love your dress and the fact that you are standing in front of giant fruit. You are awesome. Love, Orlando PS: Here is a link to the article.

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If You Like It Then You Should Have Put A Bird On It

Dear Whitney Jefferson, Fred Armisen, and Carrie Brownstein, I love your hilarious video docu-drama about the proliferation of birds on EVERYTHING. I thought that trend was dying until I went to CB2 last night and was confronted by bird, after bird, after bird, after bird. I actually like the bird trend, but sometimes too much of a good thing = a bad thing. Sadtimez. Love, Orlando [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XM3vWJmpfo]

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Typoglamour: 1550

Dear Whoever Designed the Building at 1550 North Laurel, I have a thing for pretty text and/or numbers on buildings. Thus, I love your monolithic, minimalist apartment building down the street from my current abode. Oversized 1950s typefaces really hit the spot and are so appropriate on a building of that style. Gorgeous. Love, Orlando

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Whut Glamour: Used Books!

Dear Diary, I epiphanied last night that I have a fetish for first editions used books, ordered from Powell’s in Portland. This obsession began lightly a few years ago and was cemented last year when I received a first edition of my favorite novel of all time, Gore Vidal’s The City and the Pillar. What’s so important about the first edition of City is that Vidal rewrote the 1948 novel in the 60s and completely changed the ending. In my opinion the original version is much more authentic and a lot less clever and calculated than the rewritten version. Two…

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Homme Movies: True Grit

Dear True Grit, You are a good movie. I enjoyed watching you. The other evening, my beautiful friend ActorWriter Brian asked me if I wanted to see you, and I was like “Not really.” But I changed my mind (out of sheer desperation to see a movie) and we went with our pretty friend NotQuiteSureWhatHeDoes Jonny, who left halfway through the film because he got, like, totally bored. The plot of the film is as follows (spoiler alert: I give away the ending!): 1. Someone kills Hailee Steinfeld’s dad. 2. She enlists the help of Cartoon-Texan Matt Damon and Gurgle-Voice…

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